Q's Fanfiction
by mynamemattersnot
Summary: This is Q trying out what you mortals call fanfiction. You can like it or not. It's not like I care.
1. Children

**Author's Note: You can read the story or not, but I suggest reading it. It's really fun. (I own nothing. Just imagine Q** **is the one speaking.)**

It was just a normal day on the Enterprise... well no it wasn't that's just too boring. It was a chaotic day on the Enterprise. Everybody was running about like crazy or whatever it is you mortals do in the midst of choas. Picard was his usual boring self ruining all the fun by creating order in the choas.

Of course today wasn't Picard's lucky day. Today some little kids would be allowed to go on the bridge because I know just how much Picard hates children.

Picard's eyes widened in horror when he saw the children, "Number one, why are the children on my bridge."

"Did you forget, sir? Today is the day when children are allowed on the bridge." Data said.

"Since when was there a day that children were allowed on the bri-?"

Okay this is getting boring. It start raining hard when Picard was talking.

"What the hell?" Picard asked confused. "Q!"

"Well it's about time you figured it out. You were getting boring so I decided to add a little rain." I said.

"Q, make this stop!" Picard ordered.

"I'm afraid I can't since I just typed it up and I don't feel like changing it. It's just too much work."

"Q, I have no idea what you're talking about but make this stop right now!"

"Bye." I said before disappearing.

"Q!"

Sorry about that my mortal fans. I decided to have my fun with Picard. The kids came onto the bridge and began splashing in the rain. They splashed some water on Picard getting him even more wet and Picard looked pissed.

It stopped raining and one of the kids started crying loudly. Picard looked annoyed. He had enough with the children.

"Mr. Worf please escort these children off my bridge." Picard ordered trying hard not to get too angry.

"With pleasure." Worf said before getting all the children to go back home to their parents.

But that wasn't the end of the fun. No it was just the beginning of it. When Picard went into his ready room to get some Earl Gray tea. I decided to replace it with pure lemon juice.

Picard drank it and you should have seen his face. It was quite hilarious. I just couldn't help but laugh at his reaction. I quickly got bored of it. So I made the ship fill up with tribbles.

Picard looked quite surprised. Pies began coming from the sky and he looked horrified as a pie hit his bald head giving him cherry "hair".

When Worf was hit by a pie, he growled in irritation which was very amusing. Picard came back onto the bridge and slipped on the water and fell down hard.

"Are you okay, sir?" Data asked concerned helping Picard up.

"Of course, not!" Picard shouted.

Data looked confused and hurt, "Sir?"

"Q is trying to make me miserable."

"Oh stop being such a big baby." I said.

"Q, I'm done with games."

"Well I'm not and my fans will surely want more."

"Q, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Well you're just a part of a fanfiction story that I'm writing."

"What a minute, you're saying all this is just a story?" Riker asked.

"Yes."

"I don't believe you."

"What's there not to believe?"

"Every word you said."

"Fine. I'll prove it and end this. Maybe just for now if my fans like this."

And so like that it was the end.

**Author's Note: If you mortals want more, tell me.**


	2. The Dark and The Light

**Chapter 2: The Dark and The Light:**

**Author's Note: It seems like you mortals are taking a liking to this. That's good because I was just beginning to have my fun. (I don't own Star Trek and I don't** **own Q.)**

"Q, what did you do?!" Picard asked angrily.

"I ended the chapter of course!" I replied.

"Q, stop this nonsense!"

"I'm afraid I cannot do that. I'm just starting to have my fun."

The whole Enterprise went pitch black.

"Q!"

I kept the Enterprise pitch black. Picard ran right into Riker.

"Dammit, we have to stop Q from playing these games!"

"How do we do that, sir?" Data asked.

"I don't know but I'm getting tired of this!"

I got bored again so I made the Enterprise super bright. Picard being the pathetic human he was couldn't see in the light either. No of the petty humans could well except for Geordi. Of course, Data being the superior that he was could see perfectly fine despite the bright light.

"Q stop this!"

"I can't. I need to please my fans."

"Like you would have any fans!"

"Oh but I do and I forgot something."

Birds flew around in the Enterprise and one of them pooped on Picard and Worf. Worf growled. Picard nearly broke a fuse and started yelling about Q this and Q that. Blah blah blah. Boring as usual. So I turned down the lights and put Picard in a dress. No scratch that I put everyone that was not female in a dress because it was just too funny.

Data looked confused and intrigued like I expected he would. Picard and Worf looked pissed. Geordi looked weirded out and Riker looked entertained.

"I should not be in a dress!" Worf shouted.

"Well, I think you look beautiful." Riker joked.

Worf growled clearly not taking such a nice compliment well.

"Q stop this now!" Picard yelled.

"Do you want me to end the chapter?" I asked.

"No don-"

"Too late. I'm ending the chapter."

This is end for now, but of course I'll be back for more fun!

**Author's Note: I'm done with this little chapter. Review my mortal fans!**


	3. The Entercorn

**Chapter 3:** **The Entercorn:**

**Author's Note: Hello mortals. Another chapter for you. If you don't like it, I might just decide to send you to the middle of nowhere. (One of my ideas came from CrystalK114. Thanks ChK for the hilarious idea. I** **own nothing. Enjoy!)**

"Q stop doing that!" Picard yelled.

"Well I can't keep the chapter going forever." I said.

"I'm tired of your lies! This is not just a story and even if it was, you aren't patient enough to write a story."

"You're kind of right, Picard. I'm getting quite bored, but my fans still like it so I have to keep going."

Picard sighed, "Q I am tired of this-"

Picard could no longer make a sound because I was getting bored of him. His lips were moving and he looked quite angry but there was not a sound from him. He looked pissed off so I decided to mess with him just to see how angry he can get. He shrunk down and appeared in a glass bottle.

"Q, stop it!" Riker commanded.

"Oh fine." I said.

Picard could make noise again, he returned to his regular size and he was no longer in a glass bottle.

I got bored so I changed the Enterprise into a giant unicorn. Everyone had a helmet because they were pathetic humans and needed to breathe. If only I had a camera because their reactions were hilarious. Barclay was completely freaking out, Data looked as clueless as usual, Picard and Worf were pissed, and the rest were extremely confused.

The entercorn was floating in space with one thousand puny humans riding on its back.

Then, they all ran right into a giant space ice cream bar and a giant baby. The giant baby picked up Picard and put him in his mouth. Picard freaked out, but there was nothing he could do about it. That got boring so I changed everything back to normal. Except I reversed everyone's genders and sat back and enjoyed listening to Picard rant in female form.

**Author's Note: I really hope you liked this, but then again the middle of nowhere seems to be getting lonely.**


	4. My Boredom

**Chapter 4: My Boredom:**

**Author's Note: (I** **know it got kind of wierd,** **but I** **have a** **really wierd sense of humor. Sadly, since Q's attention span is so short, this will be the last chapter of the story. I don't own Q** **or Picard or anyone else or Star Trek.)**

I got bored of Picard. In fact, I grew completely bored of this fanfiction all together, but I decided to have one last stretch of fun.

I tried an experiment. What if I gave everyone in the Enterprise something they wanted or needed but just couldn't quite really have? So I decided to make chocolate appear next to Counselor Troi and laughed as she pouted after not being able to touch it.

I gave Wesley a new state of the art technology and watched as he obsessed over not being able to turn it on.

I gave Picard hair, but gave him woman's hair and a beard that made him look like father time. He was so mad that his face grew a bit red as he yelled at me, but I didn't listen to any of what he was saying so it was just a waste of time for him.

I gave Riker a beautiful woman that hated his guts. He tried to flirt with her and she punched him hard giving him a black eye. When he attempted to get her on his good side, she kicked him in his special place.

I replaced Geordi's visor with glasses and didn't give him any eyesight just to tease him and laugh as he walked blindly around the Enterprise. I know he didn't want or need glasses or to be completely blind, but it was fun giving it to him anyways.

I gave Data a rather bad sense of humor and watched entertained as he laughed at inappropriate moments. He even got hit by some angry officers when he laughed at them, but of coarse he wasn't at all hurt by them.

I didn't know what to give Worf so I just gave him a pie with a smile face drawn into it. He immediately smashed the pie like the ungrateful king on he was.

Then, I just got bored. Sure their reactions were funny, but just not funny enough. I decided it was about high time I ended this story. So, I ended it and Picard and crew disappeared. The Enterprise disappeared. Everything was gone. Then, I went to bother some one else in the universe.

**Author's Note: (I** **didn't know how to end this, but I** **hope it was at least adequate. Thanks for reading and don't forget to review! 8D!)**


End file.
